Chapter 1: Understanding Standards

The existential perspective in psychology stands out as one of the most debated approaches due to its expansive nature and the elusive outcomes it produces. Unlike the cognitive-behavioral model, which is straightforward and quantifiable, existential psychology delves into the subtle nuances of human experience. This approach encourages a profound exploration of one's feelings and experiences, often prompting individuals to confront depths they may find overwhelming, leading some to withdraw.

Existential psychology frequently grapples with philosophical inquiries, lacking a defined endpoint in favor of embracing the journey of life itself.

A common internal struggle that many face is the sentiment: "I do not meet the standards."

Almost everyone can identify aspects of their lives where they feel inadequate. Some may be preoccupied with their careers, while others focus on their appearance, feeling as though they fall short of an ideal. Yet, the underlying question remains: "Whose standards are we failing to meet?" Who established these benchmarks, and what were their intentions?

For instance, if a young woman perceives herself as unattractive because she measures her beauty against the ever-changing standards promoted on platforms like Instagram, the dissonance becomes apparent. Upon deeper reflection, these standards often reveal themselves as constructs of a commercialized society, not necessarily worthy of personal aspiration—especially if such pursuits lead to self-detriment. We ultimately retain the autonomy to reject societal trends.

But what if the pressure to conform comes from within? What if the standards are self-imposed?

When you become your own critic, relentlessly pushing yourself through work, diets, fitness regimes, or harsh self-judgment, it can become exhausting. Are you familiar with that nagging voice in your head that tells you, "Everyone else is thriving, but I fall short here and there; I am the odd one out"? Such thoughts can spiral into anxiety, depression, and a sense of purposelessness. This internalized perfectionism often stifles the ability to live fully and appreciate the present moment.

Reflecting on our formative years, many can recall instances where internal pressures led to various issues. Whether it was appearance, behavior, or social interactions, many felt a need to conform to a perceived norm. "My peers fit the mold; I must do the same—participate in underage drinking or smoking because everyone else does." Such feelings are all too familiar.

Surroundings can sometimes sarcastically urge conformity. "We party, skip classes—why aren’t you joining us? It’s wrong to be different!" Without strong personal convictions—often lacking in youth—one may compromise their values, drifting aimlessly in an attempt to fit in. This can lead to a sense of disconnection and uncertainty, making it hard to find one’s true identity. Mimicking peers or following trends can provide temporary relief from anxiety, offering a semblance of safety in belonging.

Consequently, this can lead to absurd situations where individuals spend their last savings on fleeting trends, such as extravagant hair extensions or luxury items that stretch their finances thin. This behavior extends beyond material concerns, impacting relationships, values, and authentic self-expression.

It's akin to sacrificing your true self to align with societal norms, much like forcing a bird to forsake its wings to walk among cats. This strategy is flawed from the outset.

As you reflect on past experiences—those that once consumed your thoughts—do they still hold significance today? Have you ever found yourself confused, pondering why you went to such lengths to emulate individuals whose values starkly contrast with your own? In pursuit of acceptance, many engage in reckless behavior, sacrificing time and well-being for hollow standards that ultimately hold little value.

Over time, many of these benchmarks lose their relevance, leaving one bewildered by the trivial pursuits they once deemed worthy of effort. For instance, dedicating countless hours at the gym, neglecting precious moments with loved ones, only to realize that these aspirations were mere illusions of importance. In retrospect, you may find yourself questioning, "What did I truly gain from this?"

In this video titled "Women Don't Meet My Standards," we delve deeper into the implications of self-image and societal expectations. The discussion highlights how unrealistic standards affect mental health and self-worth.

Chapter 2: Breaking Free from Imposed Standards

In the quest for self-acceptance, it's essential to recognize the damaging nature of negotiating your worth with those who cannot meet your standards.

The video "Stop Negotiating Your Standards with People Who Can't Meet Them!" emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and valuing oneself, rather than conforming to external pressures.