Navigating Conversations with Those Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
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Chapter 1: Understanding Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
When someone is on the path to recovery from narcissistic abuse, it can be challenging to find the right words to say. Often, those with good intentions may resort to clichés, misguided advice, or suggestions that may not resonate with the individual’s needs at that moment.
By Ann Betz
Even with the best intentions, certain remarks can leave the survivor feeling misunderstood or disbelieved. To genuinely support someone in their healing journey, it's crucial to know what they truly want to hear. Here are some thoughtful suggestions:
Section 1.1: Key Phrases to Offer Support
ONE: What do you require? It's best to avoid assumptions. They might need emotional comfort, a safe place, assistance finding legal help, or even job searching. Asking this question multiple times can be beneficial since needs may evolve, and the person may feel more comfortable as trust builds.
Subsection 1.1.1: The Importance of Open Communication
If you want to discuss it, I’m available. Conversely, if you prefer silence, I’m still here for you. Sometimes, individuals need to articulate their experiences, while at other times, revisiting those moments can be overwhelming. Being supportive means tuning into whether sharing helps them process or adds to their stress.
Section 1.2: Validating Their Experience
THREE (if they wish to discuss): What aspects of this relationship were particularly challenging for you? Posing such questions helps individuals feel validated and acknowledged. It indicates that there are genuine reasons for their distress, and reflecting on their experiences with a caring listener aids in their understanding.
FOUR: You are not to blame, and you didn’t deserve this. Many survivors wrestle with self-doubt and guilt during recovery. Reminding them that the situation was not their fault can provide a crucial counterbalance to their inner critic.
FIVE: I believe you. After enduring gaslighting and manipulation, it’s essential for survivors to feel believed. Often, they may have encountered dismissive remarks from others like “It wasn’t that severe, was it?” or “Why not just try counseling?” Feeling acknowledged and understood is vital for healing.
Chapter 2: Moving Forward Together
These phrases represent just a few ways to show support to someone healing from narcissistic abuse. If you care for someone in this situation, it’s important to recognize how profoundly painful and confusing this experience can be. Providing a safe, supportive, and non-judgmental environment for them can be an invaluable gift.
The first video, Do these 5 things AFTER a narcissistic relationship, offers practical advice on how to support someone who has recently left a toxic relationship. This video emphasizes the importance of self-care and setting boundaries during the healing process.
The second video, 5 Ways To Heal From Narcissistic Relationships, outlines effective strategies for recovery. It highlights the significance of acknowledging feelings and seeking professional help when necessary.
If you're in the healing process and require some guidance, feel free to reach out to Ann for personalized coaching.
Read more from The Good Men Project on Medium:
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- My Girlfriend Lied About Her Past. How Can I Ever Trust Her Again?
- Neurobiology: Can the Mind Fix Ethics for Sports Betting, Gambling?
This story was originally published on The Good Men Project. Ann Betz is the co-founder of BEabove Leadership and an authority on the relationship between neuroscience, coaching, trauma, and personal transformation. She conducts international speaking engagements, training sessions, and coaching, focusing on neuroscience, coaching, and relational trauma. Ann is also a published poet who enjoys cats, the sound of rain in the desert, and nurturing healthy relationships. She continually expands her knowledge of narcissism.