Finding Joy Amid Life Changes: Navigating Sadness
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Chapter 1: Understanding Sadness in the Face of Change
Lately, I've been experiencing a sense of sadness that I can't quite pinpoint. It seems to be a mix of various factors contributing to my feelings.
Following my divorce, I dedicated three years to obtaining my degree while balancing part-time work and full-time studies. It took an additional three years before I secured a stable job, which is debatable since I chose a career in teaching. I graduated and immediately began teaching, a profession I held for five years. Although I have a passion for teaching, my experiences were often less than fulfilling.
The stress of an unmanageable job combined with ineffective leadership made me question how I wanted to spend my life. I pondered, "What steps can I take to build a fulfilling life while also earning a living?"
As a first step, I decided to sell my house and invest the profits, allowing my finances to work in my favor. Currently, I work part-time as a tutor and writing consultant for two colleges, which effectively equals a full-time position. I appreciate the teaching opportunities I have now and feel a genuine willingness to learn from my students. The challenges I face, especially when assisting English Language Learners, are more rewarding than my previous teaching experiences. Moreover, I'm able to cover my expenses without overwhelming stress.
Despite these positive changes, I find myself questioning, "Why does this transition bring about feelings of sadness?" I suspect I might have an explanation.
Change is a universal experience, and while some individuals dread it, others thrive on it. Regardless, transitions can impact our mental health and emotional well-being. I'm not suggesting the need for hospitalization; rather, it’s about feeling different, slightly off-balance, or even sad.
For instance, while my recent changes are aimed at enhancing my long-term mental health, my mind is somewhat startled by the abrupt shifts. Even positive life events—like weddings, graduations, or new jobs—can lead to feelings of adjustment sadness.
My daily routine, living situation, job, and social interactions have all transformed. Although these changes are improvements, they are still significant adjustments. I hesitate to say I'm outside my comfort zone, as my previous teaching environment was far from comfortable. However, I do feel I'm adapting to a "new normal."
While I typically research how to cope with emotional, spiritual, and mental trauma, I haven’t delved into managing sadness that arises from positive changes.
The Research
According to WebMD, there’s a phenomenon known as "uncertainty bias" that can influence how we handle major changes. The Oxford Review explains that individuals with a low tolerance for uncertainty are more inclined to associate negative emotions with ambiguous situations.
Initially, I believed I was adept at managing change, but I realized that I had been numb for so long that I may have suppressed my fears, even healthy ones, during transitions. The uncertainty bias indicates that when significant life changes occur, our brains automatically interpret them as negative, even if they are beneficial. Before dismissing my sadness or hoping it will fade, it’s crucial to acknowledge that this mindset can affect decision-making and possibly heighten anxiety and depression.
So, how will I address this?
Self-Compassion
First and foremost, I won’t ignore my feelings. I will speak kindly to myself, just as I would to a child, reminding myself that it's okay to feel sadness. I’ll acknowledge that I've undergone substantial changes, all for the better, and that my future holds promise. I plan to meditate a bit more and remain aware of any negative thought patterns that may arise.
Embracing the Pain
Next, I will allow myself to experience the pain. I intend to feel what my mind is processing without seeking comfort in food, chocolate, or wine. While confronting this discomfort, I will focus on remaining present and supporting myself through it. I promise not to abandon myself during this time.
Connecting with Friends
Additionally, I will reach out to a trusted friend. Sometimes, I simply need to talk about my experiences and accept the changes taking place. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed and question my decisions, but I will remind myself that I have enough to cover my bills and enjoy the occasional coffee. I’ll also reassure myself that I’ve allowed time to adapt to this new path, and if it doesn’t suit me, I can always change course. Change is not my enemy.
Prioritizing Self-Care
All of these strategies fall under the broad umbrella of self-care. In addition, I envision treating myself to a bubble bath, complete with candles and soothing music.
Chapter 2: Coping with Transition
In this video, “How to Deal with Life Changes,” we explore practical strategies for navigating transitions and understanding our emotional responses.
The second video, “How to Use Your Depression to Change Your Life,” offers insights on turning challenges into opportunities for growth.