Chapter 1: The Struggle with Self-Awareness

Question #10: What is something about yourself that puzzles you?

It’s perplexing to me why I seem to struggle to learn from my experiences. I find myself making the same mistakes repeatedly—over and over again! Initially, I thought I could dismiss this question, attributing it to the effects of ADHD from my childhood illness. However, after reading a news article this morning that discussed society's tendency to repeat mistakes, particularly in relation to the COVID-19 pandemic and the impending threat of bird flu, I realized this issue might extend beyond my personal experience.

The most significant personal error I continue to grapple with is my approach to work. For instance, at this very moment, I’m dedicating excessive time to this story!

As a teacher, the academic year feels like a prolonged episode of hyper-focus lasting nine months. Household chores go unaddressed, routine medical check-ups are postponed, and my garden suffers neglect. When summer break arrives, I anticipate catching up on all these tasks, yet I find myself too exhausted during the first half to make any headway. It’s unrealistic to think I can tackle my to-do list in the latter half of the summer. This cycle has repeated itself every year since 2015.

Every. Single. Year.

Each autumn, I promise myself to find a balance in life, but within a week, that resolution falls apart.

In academia, I suspect I’m not alone in this battle for balance. Yet, when it comes to the apparent inability to learn from past experiences, I often thought I was uniquely flawed. However, as I read about the pandemic this morning, I began to wonder: Is this a more widespread human trait? It appears many individuals must have been rigid or uninformed for history to repeat itself during a pandemic. I recall that, after previous pandemics, someone had gone to great lengths to draft a comprehensive protocol for effective communication about such crises. Yet, at the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, the CDC and the government managed to ignore every aspect of that protocol.

Every. Single. Mistake.

And this is just in terms of communication. The article suggests we are currently repeating the testing errors made four years ago. (I suspect that we are also repeating communication mistakes, but I can’t claim to be an expert in epidemiology.)

As a psychologist, I recognize that behavior reinforced tends to be repeated; it’s a fundamental principle. So, the pressing question becomes: How are these patterns of rigidity, denial, or complacency being reinforced?

The reinforcement concerning my work-life balance is quite evident.

• Everyone seems satisfied when I complete my tasks, and the reality is that it often cannot be achieved within the allocated hours. Thus, I receive positive feedback for prioritizing work over everything else.
• Unlike the deadlines for my teaching responsibilities, chores and appointments don’t come with strict timelines. Missing deadlines in teaching can lead to serious consequences, which reinforces my tendency to focus solely on work.

Another essential principle is that behavior is often influenced by multiple factors. When reflecting on my own mistakes or those of governments, I contemplate whether we are biologically predisposed to persist in our ways, even if they are ineffective. Is it simply easier to remain stagnant? Does change require significant effort? Or is it denial—an unwillingness to acknowledge the severity of a situation? Perhaps it’s a combination of all three.

Research (Eskreis-Winkler & Fishbach, 2022) indicates that we may be inherently designed to disengage when we err rather than learn from our failures. Societal patterns may reflect this tendency, as groups often think, "This time will be different," or choose to ignore the present reality. This is especially true when those in power control the narrative, as was evident in the U.S. pandemic response, which represented a collective governmental failure.

Indeed, change necessitates effort. Personally, I have repeatedly told myself, "This year will be different," without actually outlining the steps necessary to achieve that difference. I keep promising to prioritize pets, health, and home upkeep without identifying specific, manageable actions to facilitate real change—and executing them.

This inertia may also apply to agencies and governments: movement may be stunted if there’s no prior activity, or we may continue in the direction we were headed before errors occurred.

In essence, our tendency to repeat mistakes isn't due to a lack of intelligence or inability to learn. Rather, we may need to step back in our process, first making change appealing and then simplifying it (Clear, 2018).

You can explore the rest of the questions and my insights here: References

Clear, J. (2018). Atomic habits: Tiny changes, remarkable results: an easy & proven way to build good habits & break bad ones. Avery/Penguin Random House.

If you’re interested in obtaining Clear's book for yourself (which I highly recommend), you can find it here.

N.B.: Purchasing through my virtual store will provide me with a small commission as a Bookshop.org affiliate, while also supporting a local bookstore. A win-win situation!

I’m applying the principles and strategies from Clear's work to cultivate better habits and will be incorporating more strategies leading up to the first day of school. This year will indeed be different!