Understanding Life's Patterns

Life is fundamentally about recognizing and understanding patterns.

Ikigai [Ik-ee-guy]

A purpose that inspires you each morning; the driving force behind your day.

For over a year, I've kept the Japanese term Ikigai prominently displayed on a sticky note above my workspace. This serves as a reminder for me—especially since I'm not naturally a morning person and tend to think in broad strokes. Given the emotional ups and downs I've faced over the past two years, this mantra helps me remember the reasons to keep moving forward.

I wish I could claim to have everything sorted out. I wish I had a daily routine that brought me true joy and satisfaction. However, in my pursuit of that singular source of motivation or passion, I often find myself clinging to an idealized version of myself that only exists when I reach a future state of happiness.

Many of us perceive time as a linear journey, where we consider the past as behind us, the present as fleeting, and the future as a time when we envision ourselves as improved and healed. The reality is that the only moment we truly possess is now, and the love many seek externally is already present within us.

With that context, here are four meaningful life lessons I’m reaffirming to myself in 2022 that can significantly impact how we navigate life.

1. If you dislike a pattern, change it.

I had a conversation with a friend recently, during which he shared his experiences with unsuccessful romantic pursuits. He realized that, despite not genuinely wanting these relationships, he was drawn to the validation and thrill of meeting someone new.

Desiring new and exciting experiences isn't inherently selfish, yet relying on others for validation complicates our understanding of healthy desires. When we stop fixating on whether our actions are right or wrong, we can gain clarity about what truly serves us, free of guilt or shame. The essential lesson is that we have more control over our life patterns than we often recognize. Small adjustments to our daily routines can lead to newfound joy.

2. Trust what people say.

In the past, I would often find myself feeling anxious, second-guessing the words and intentions of others. If it were up to me, no one would mislead those they care about. However, since we can’t control others’ actions, it’s crucial for our own peace to accept what people tell us at face value until their behavior suggests otherwise.

3. Reflect on your energy after social interactions.

Have you ever noticed how quickly time flies with certain friends while it drags on with others? Recently, I've become aware of how my energy shifts when I spend time with different people. There are moments when I feel drained after socializing, yearning for solitude, while other interactions leave me energized.

I've learned that quality time truly matters. My love language is quality time, and I've come to value the moments I share with others, regardless of how long they last.

4. Your body deserves respect.

This lesson has been particularly challenging for me recently, given the chaotic nature of balancing work, personal time, and a social life, especially amid a pandemic. I often get so wrapped up in what I could improve that I neglect my own well-being. This can lead to poor eating choices or mindlessly scrolling through my phone for hours.

Here’s a gentle reminder: be compassionate with yourself. Appreciate your body every day. Despite any bad habits, your body has been a steadfast companion through countless challenges, and it continues to carry you forward.