Understanding Unattended Bodies

Recently, while traveling to London by train, I encountered numerous reminders urging passengers not to leave their bags alone. This sparked a reflection within me.

How often have I inadvertently left my own body unattended?

I never set out to experience a blackout; that was never my goal. Each time, my intention was simply to enjoy a few drinks and return home early. Yet, what went awry?

With the determination to train for a marathon, attain leadership roles at work, and pursue a Master's degree while juggling a full-time job, why did I struggle to muster the same resolve when it came to putting down that next glass of wine? Why was saying "no" to another drink such a challenge?

It’s just one small word: "No."

The truth is, I never anticipated how swiftly I could transition from sober to inebriated. Instead of seeking the nearest cab or heading straight to bed, I mindlessly continued pouring more alcohol into my already saturated system, unwittingly creating a pool of shame that awaited me the next morning— a jigsaw puzzle of "What happened last night?" that could never be completed. It was like finding a forgotten puzzle in an attic, missing pieces that would never be recovered.

One moment, I’m enjoying drinks with friends, feeling a sense of belonging and social happiness. The next, I wake up with no memory of the intervening hours.

This is the stuff of nightmares.

Then begins the checklist of dread and anxiety:

Am I dressed?

Undressed?

Do I have bruises?

Am I aching?

Why?

Do I have my phone?

What about my wallet and bank cards?

Is my bag intact?

Are my clothes stained?

How did this happen?

I left my body unattended.

I used to think my blackouts were infrequent enough to count on one hand. Then, it became two hands. Now, I feel like I would need both my feet to account for them. Perhaps you could help me out, too.

Interestingly, it wasn’t the episodes of blackout that triggered my journey toward sobriety.

Through confronting my shame and acknowledging the disgust I felt for myself, I uncovered a frightened little girl inside me—the child I had abandoned in the vast maze of a London tube station, who didn’t know how to find her way home. This was the little girl who lost her way back to her hotel room, guided by a well-meaning colleague. The little girl who repeatedly found herself adrift and utterly vulnerable.

Instead of succumbing to shame, I chose to envelop her in love—profound, nurturing, and unconditional love. I embraced her tightly and promised, “I will never leave you again.”

And I truly mean it.

Chapter 2 Embracing Sobriety and Self-Love

Exploring the effects of death on the body and mind can offer insights into our existence and choices.

The first video, "What Happens to Your Body When You Die," provides a fascinating examination of our physical existence and the choices we make while alive.

Additionally, it is essential to consider the connection between the mind and body in life and death.

The second video, "When the Body Dies Does the Mind Die Too?" delves into this profound topic, exploring what might happen to our consciousness as we transition from life.